This is a jeremiad of my hopelessly drowning emotions

Poem by Refilwe J. Mokgatlenyane

From waking up at 6am for a morning jog
Down the busy street downtown with my dog
The everyday hangouts and dinners after work
From scribbling random messages into my diary every morning when I wake up
My diary is now full of pages scribbled
My emotions have grown lachrymose; they’re folding with their knees
To their head, curled in a dark, quiet corner inside of me

My smile has worn off my face
My voice sounds lonely because I’m sending echoes all over the place
And no one knows how much more this Kafkaesque situation is going to last
Because it has robbed us of our happiness, it has frozen the hands of time inside our conscious
It has robbed us of many more lives that are precious

I hate to say I miss my close friend
I hate to say I miss your beautiful smile
Because the time I see you, your smile will be covered in a suffocating and unventilated cloth
I won’t be allowed to come closer and hug you even if I’m compelled to
I won’t be allowed to hold your hand tight because it’s not right

But my emotions feel threatened, abandoned, and they grow toxic every day, endangering my life
Like a toddler left beside a kettle of boiling water
Like an escalating flame with no one to douse it
Till the days get better, the voice inside of me remains inaudible
No matter how much I loudly cuss and shout